A few pages will now be devoted to a consideration of the
objections which have been urged against the system of
polygamy. And it may be proper to say, that if there should
be any objections to it which are not here answered to every
one's satisfaction, yet the superiority of this system is
still maintained and proven, as long as the previous
demonstrations remain valid; the objections to the contrary
notwithstanding. It is often the case that a proposition may
be true, and at the same time it may not be possible to
answer all the objections to it. There are unanswerable
objections to a democratic or popular form of government; and
yet for some nations, such a form of government may, on the
whole, be the best one.
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DOES POLYGAMY CAUSE JEALOUSY?
It has been objected that polygamy cannot be reasonable or
right, since it causes jealousy among the different women in
the same family. But it cannot be proved that jealousy is
confined to any particular social system: it is,
unfortunately, too common to every system. It is inherent
in human nature, and must be regarded as one of its
inseparable infirmities. Yet, so far from being most violent
under the system of polygamy, the opposite is the fact; for
it is always most violent when secret intrigue is carried on,
and when the dreaded rival does not sustain an open and an
acknowledged relation to the husband, but when the
tender-ness between him and that rival, whether real or
suspected, is only secretly indulged: so that monogamy really
furnishes more occasion for the exercise of this cruel
passion than polygamy. In the latter system, the claims of
the different women are acknowledged and understood; the
parties all stand in well-defined relations to each other,
and violent jealousy, under such circumstances, must be
comparatively rare.
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IS POLYGAMY DEGRADING TO WOMEN?
It has also been objected, that polygamy cannot be reasonable
and right, since it places men and women on terms of social
inequality; it exalts man, and degrades woman; it makes her
dependent on his will; it demands of her her undivided love
and fidelity towards him, while he is permitted to lavish his
affections upon as many as he may please. But all this is
not degrading to her. It is the only thing that saves her
from degradation. The experience of every age and of every
community has proved that many men cannot and will not
content themselves with one woman. There must be polygamy,
or else there must be prostitution; and prostitution is
wickedness, and wickedness is degradation. Nor is there any
thing degrading in woman's dependence upon man. This
dependence is natural, and honorable to her. It is the very
position which she herself voluntarily and instinctively
assumes towards him. The entire code of polite, social
intercourse between the two sexes is founded on this
principle of her nature. Not only in
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times of real danger, but at all times, she loves to lean
upon the strong, brave arm of man, and willingly confesses
her own timidity and weak-ness. And these qualities are so
far from degrading her, that they only render her the more
attractive and lovely. The manly gallant is as ready to
afford assistance as she is to accept it. In riding, in
walking, in dancing, in sailing, in bathing, in the public
assembly, in the social gathering, and everywhere it is
possible to receive attention and accept assistance and
protection, it is equally pleasing and ennobling for her to
receive, and for him to bestow them.
WOMAN'S RIGHTS
They are her rights, - her woman's rights. I believe in
woman's rights, and I believe that polygamy is the system
that can best assure them to her; for, as it is a
mathematical certainty that there are more women than men in
the world, some men must assume the protection of more than
one woman each, or some women must be deprived of their
rights. The most sacred and the most precious of all her
rights are her rights to a
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husband and a home; and it is no more a degradation to her
to share that home and that husband with another woman than
it is to share other benefits and other attentions from the
same man, is common with other women. No woman considers
herself degraded to walk abroad with her hand upon a man's
arm while another woman has her hand upon the other arm; thus
they often appear in public, at balls, and concerts and
lectures and churches. For the time being, they are both
willingly dependent upon his protection and his bounty; and
he is also dependent upon each of them for the benefits of
their companionship and the charms of their society. He
could not so fully enjoy those entertainments without them.
For example, there are two female friends residing together,
and mutually dependent upon each other for many of their
social enjoyments, and for much of their intellectual and
moral culture. A worthy young man of their acquaintance
calls upon them frequently, and admires them both; and they
enjoy his visits, for neither of them have any other male
associate. At length he invites them both to a public
entertainment. Neither of
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them would be willing to leave her friend, and go with him
alone; nor could he well endure the thought of enjoying
himself abroad with one, while the other would be deserted
and neglected at home, - the other who would enjoy the
entertainment so much, and whose enjoyment would so much
enhance theirs. Now, if this triple companionship shall
ripen into friendship, and the friendship into love, and the
love shall result in a triple marriage, where is the
degradation? Would it not be still more heartless to desert
either of the friends now, when each heart is thrilling with
the harmonious music of the triple love? Let the words of
divine wisdom answer, -
"Two are better than one, . . . and a three-fold cord is
not quickly broken."
There is a want in the female nature which impels her to seek
and to appreciate the society of a male friend, which no
number of associates of her own sex can fully satisfy. I
have stood by the gates of the cotton-mill, and seen the
multitudes of female operatives stream out of an evening, and
I marked their lonesome appearance as they repaired to their
respective homes. Homes, did I
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say? Ah! any thing but homes, - their boarding-houses.
There I have seen them sit down, by scores, to the
dinner-table, and eat their dinners in the utmost silence, as
if each one was entirely isolated from all social and
agreeable companionship. Oh, what loneliness! how hard! how
bitter! Yet many of them were radiant with the charms of
womanhood, and each one capable of adorning and blessing a
home, but which few of them will ever enjoy; for they are not
only the unwilling victims of poverty and toil, but the
willing votaries of fashion, and the unconscious slaves of
monogamy.
MASCULINE POWER AND FEMININE COMPLAISANCE
Those qualities of mind and person which impel a woman to
seek the protection of the stronger sex, arising from her
natural weakness and timidity, are really those very
qualities which inspire the deepest admiration; yet, should a
man happen to display these feminine qualities, they only
render him supremely contemptible. A man must be strong,
self-reliant, and courageous. No woman can devotedly love a
man, unless she sees, or thinks
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she sees, in him a power of mind or of body, or of both,
which Nature has denied to her. It is this power which she
intuitively admires and venerates and worships, even though
its exercise over her may be arbitrary and tyrannical. The
Sabine matrons loved their Roman lords none the less because
they had seized them with the strong hand; and a woman is
always and everywhere more ready to forgive the too great
ardor and boldness of a lover than his unmanly timidity and
shame. For a wife to look up to her husband for authority
and guidance is as natural as to look to him for protection
from danger; and this is as natural as breathing. It is
therefore true, though it may seem hard to some to admit it,
that it is his right and duty to exercise authority, and her
right and privilege to practise complaisance and submission.
"Whence true authority in man;
though both Not equal, as their sex not equal seemed;
For contemplation he, and valor formed;
For softness she, and sweet attractive grace;
He for God only, she for God in him.
His fair large front and eye sublime declared
Absolute rule; and hyacinthine locks
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Round from his parted forelock manly hung
Clustering, but not beneath his shoulders broad;
She, as a veil, down to the slender waist
Her unadorned golden tresses wore,
Dishevelled, but in wanton ringlets waved,
As the vine curls her tendrils, which implied
Subjection, but required with gentle sway," &c.
PARADISE LOST, BOOK iv.
Yet while God and Nature have constituted man the superior to
woman in strength and courage and authority, these principles
do not render her relation to man one of degradation or even
of general inferiority; for there are many other and no less
admirable qualities in which she surpasses him. Her moral
and religious sentiments are more susceptible, and her
intellectual perceptions are truer and keener in respect to
those matters requiring delicacy of taste and refinement of
mind. Her humane sympathies are also stronger; she is sooner
moved by the sentiments of compassion, benevolence, and
charity. Blessings on her gentle heart! What a dreary world
would this be without woman! And it is only polygamy that
appreciates and appropriates her. Monogamy neglects her,
spurns her, corrupts her, and degrades her.
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IF A MAN MAY HAVE A PLURALITY OF WIVES,
WHY MAY NOT A WOMAN HAVE A PLURALITY OF HUSBANDS?
Because a woman's heart is so constituted, that it is
impossible for her to cherish a sincere love for more than
one husband at the same time. It is even difficult for her
to believe that a man can cherish a sincere and honest love
for more than one woman at the same time. It is difficult
for her to believe it; for she cannot comprehend it. Her own
instincts revolt against the thought of a plurality of
husbands, and judging his feeling by her own, she does not
see how a man can want, or at least can truly love, a
plurality of wives. But, as this point involves a
constitutional difference of sex, it is one in which we must
be aware that our feelings cannot guide us. A man can never
know the infinite tenderness and the infinite patience of a
mother's love, except imperfectly, by reason and observation.
His experience does not teach him. His paternal love does
not exactly resemble it. So a woman can never know the
purity and sincerity of a man's conjugal love for a plurality
of wives, ex-
Page 217
cept by similar observation and reason. Her conjugal love is
unlike it. Her love for one man exhausts and absorbs her
whole conjugal nature: there is no room for more. And if she
ever receives the truth that his nature is capable of a
plural love, she must attain it by the use of her reason, or
admit it upon the testimony of honest men.
THE SUN AND THE PLANETS; OR MARRIAGE LIKE GRAVITATION
It would be as impossible and as unnatural for a pure-minded,
virtuous woman to have more than one husband, as for the
earth to have more than one sun; but it is not unnatural nor
impossible for a pure and noble-minded man to cherish the
most devoted love for several wives at the same time: it is
as natural for him as it is for the sun to have several
planets at the same time, each one dependent on him, and each
one harmonious in her own sphere. To each planet the sun
yields all the light and heat which she is capable of
receiving, or which she would be capable of receiving, were
she the only planet in the sky. Each planet attracts the sun
to
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the utmost of her weight, - the exhaustion of her power; and
the sun returns her attraction to an exactly equal degree,
and no more. Not one planet nor two, nor all combined, are
able to exhaust his power, or move him from his sphere. One
more illustration: if a strong man holds one end of a cord,
and a little child the other, and they pull towards each
other, the tension of the cord is measured by the strength of
the child, and not by that of the man. The same degree of
power is felt at each end of the cord. The strength of the
child is exhausted, that of the man is not. He can draw
several children to him, sooner than they could unitedly draw
him to them, A similar relation exists, naturally, between
the male and the female. He is the sun, they are the planets.
He is strong, they are weak. Let us not find fault with the
ordinances of God, nor attempt to resist his will.
MASCULINE RESPONSIBILITY AND CARE
The responsibilities of the man are in proportion to his
strength and authority. He must assume the care and provide
for the support of
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the family; and his female companions will submit to this
authority, if they are wise and prudent, with all the grace
and gentleness which distinguish their sex.
"Thy husband is they lord, they life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign; one that care for thee
And for thy maintenance; commits his body
To painful labor, both by sea and land;
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
While thou liest warm at home, secure and safe;
And craves no other tribute at thy hands,
But love, fair looks, and true obedience, -
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she's froward, peevish, sullen, soar,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel,
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war where they should kneel for peace;
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world;
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?"
TAMING THE SHREW act v. scene ii.
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The capacity of man to attract and support several women must
depend upon the amount of his talent, his fortune, and his
benevolence, as well as upon his physical strength and
vitality. There are some men who are scarcely able to
attract the love and provide for the support of one woman;
others are well able, if they are willing, to maintain
several wives, but they are too penurious and too selfish to
attempt it: and such men do not deserve the love of one. But
there are others who are both able and willing, and who can
as well love and provide for several as for one, and even
better; for, if a man of immense vitality and corresponding
mentality have but one, she must necessarily suffer from the
superabundance of his power, and perhaps, like Semele in the
too ardent embraces of Jove, may prove an early victim to the
powerful demonstrations of his love. But even should he use
the utmost tenderness, and never forget to restrain his
burning ardor, yet, so long as he lives under the system of
monogamy, such a husband must often be the occasion of the
keenest suffering to a delicate woman. It is a source of
constant pain and grief to her that she cannot come up to
Page 221
her husband's capacity, nor satisfy his conjugal
requirements. She often tortures herself with the thought
that he cannot love her, for she feels herself so much his
inferior, and so utterly unworthy of his love. She often
says that she knows he wishes her to die, that he might marry
another. She wishes herself dead. She is madly jealous of
every other woman who comes within the circle of their
acquaintance, even though her husband may have no fancy for
her; but the poor wife fears he may have, and this constant
fear is worse than the worst reality. But, on the other
hand, if he were a polygamist, and this same woman were one
of his wives, she would then be happy and content. For she
would continue to receive from him all the demonstrations of
love she is capable of enduring, while she would joyfully
contribute her share towards completing the capacity of his.
Then it would constitute the consciousness of having done
what she could to make him so. She now rejoices in his
abundant vitality, and is proud of his superiority. And when
his manliness, his dignity, and his power are
Page 222
radiated upon her beaming countenance, and reflected thence,
it is then that her heart is filled with the utmost delight
and satisfaction of which it is susceptible. Having become
his wife, she is so entirely devoted to him, that she almost
loses in him her own identity. She throws herself upon his
ample breast and within his infolding arms, and yields both
her person and her will to his control; and she only regrets,
when she has given up all, that she has not more to give.
"You see me, Lord Bassanio, where I stand,
Such as I am; though for myself alone
I would not be ambitious in my wish
To wish myself much better; yet for you,
I would be trebled twenty times myself;
A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times
More rich:
That only to stand high on your account,
I might, in virtues, beauties, livings, friends,
Exceed account; but the full sum of me
Is an unlessoned girl, unschooled, unpractised;
Happy in this, she is not yet so old
But she may learn; and happier than this,
She is not bred so dull but she can learn;
Happiest of all, is, that her gentle spirit
Commits itself to yours to be directed,
As from her lord, her governor, her king.
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Myself and what is mine, to you and yours
Is now converted: but now I was the lord
Of this fair mansion, master of my servants,
Queens o'er myself; and even now, but now,
This house, these servants, and this same myself,
Are yours, my lord; I give them with this ring."
MERCHANT OF VENICE, act iii. scene ii.
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